Who cares if you have green grass, yellow grass, or brown grass

I try not to let other people’s lives get to me, whether it’s worrying about their business or being jealous of something they have. Most of the time I do really well at that, but I have to continually focus on doing this. I am human, so sometimes I fail miserably. In my happiness effort, I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on myself. Frankly, I haven’t had a lot of time to worry about other people or be jealous of something they have.

I was talking with someone who I perceived to have “it all.” I left the conversation realizing again that I shouldn’t think the grass is always greener. I shouldn’t assume anything about anyone. And most of all, I shouldn’t think negative or jealous thoughts about anyone. Every situation is different. When my husband lusts after a new car that drives down the street, I gently remind him that we own our cars. No need to be jealous of someone else’s situation, when we don’t know what exactly that situation is. Be happy with our financial situation and be happy that we don’t have to worry about our cars, we just need to use them.

During this conversation with this friend, I was taken back by what was said. Surprised that what I perceived to be was exactly the opposite. Disappointed in myself that I’ve felt pangs of jealousy against a situation that I had made up in my head. In reality, I was wrong. I’m not sure how wrong, because it’s not my business. Nonetheless, I shouldn’t be jealous about the happiness that other’s share. Not many of us, me included, share the bad stuff about our life. We don’t tell the world when money is tight or when marriage is stressful. Most people don’t talk about being depressed or feeling lonely. We hide behind the happiness and present smiles to the world. I don’t discredit anyone for acting this way, it’s human nature. Just as jealousy is human nature.

I’m taking another stand in my happiness project. Not only will I give people the benefit of the doubt, but I’ll like them for the real people they are. I won’t become jealous of their happiness, I will celebrate with them instead. I will focus on building and continuing healthy relationships, not looking from the sidelines and wishing I had something that they have. I will be happy and confident with my life and in turn be happy for others.

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What’s in a word?

Why do we let other people’s words affect us? Why do we let their feelings affect us? Even if words aren’t intended for us, we let them bother us. We let other people’s difficult words creep into our thoughts. We let other people’s issues create negative thoughts.

Words, when used properly, can be so uplifting. They can change our attitude from negative to positive. They can turn a bad day into a good day. Or worse, turn a good day into a bad day. Why is that? Why do we let other’s affect our attitude and ruin our day?

Society has said it’s ok to put everything on others. We put so much weight, thought, and acceptance in what other’s think. We let them dictate our days and in turn, life. We let them decide if we are worthy of a clothing style, job, and even friendship. We long for approval from others. If we do something good at work, we want praise. If we do something nice for a friend, we want recognition. If we do something around the house, we want our spouse to thank us. If we change our hair style, we want people to compliment us. We rely on others to tell us that we look beautiful, are smart, and fit in.

Instead of being our own person, we want to be like others. We look up to others and try to mimic them. And at the end of the day, we want them to notice us. We want them to compliment us. Sometimes we even take on their mentality. We think what they think and be who they are. We are no longer our own person. We are someone waiting for the acceptance and carrying around the opinions of someone else.

Are you your own person? Do you let someone else dictate your life? Do you like who you are or are you searching for someone else to help you find the way?

I try not to let other people’s opinions affect me. I admit that sometimes I want my husband to verbally appreciate the work I do around the house. I do enjoy it when he notices that I’ve gotten my hair cut. Sometimes my vanity shows its ugly face and I look for acceptance from others. I don’t let this vanity rule my life. I am comfortable in my shoes and am the person I want to be. That person is ever-growing, but she’s headed in the right direction. I pride myself in being a level-headed person. I am someone who tries to set a good example for others. Regardless of how old we are, I’m a believer that everyone needs someone to set a good example. I try to be positive and treat others the way I want to be treated. I want to be the rational one. I don’t want my words to dictate a person’s being. I don’t want to be the one to bring them down. Words can be so hurtful and harsh. I don’t want my words to make a person feel less than they are. I don’t want my words to create pain. I want to be the positive light. I want to provide sunshine on a cloudy day.

Words can carry a lot of meanings. The 500 words on this page can be taken multiple ways. You can read them the way I thought them or you can read them the way your brain works. Either way is correct. Everyone sees things differently and that’s ok. In fact, it’s a good thing that we don’t all think alike. If we all thought alike, where would this world be?

An ugly shade of gray

Jealousy is an ugly color. It is not hidden well and usually worn on the sleeve of your shirt. It doesn’t go with your outfit or match the color of your hair. It stands out, ugly in its true shape and form. Jealousy brings out the bad in us. It makes us say hurtful things and think awful thoughts. It makes us forget to treat others how we’d like to be treated. Jealousy jumps up in a crowd and shouts your name. Most of all, it doesn’t make any situation better. If you’re acting out of jealousy, deep down you don’t feel better. If you’re trying to make someone else feel jealous of you, the feeling lasts only a short period. Then, you are left feeling empty and worse for the wear.

A person can try to bring me down with snide comments, but in the end I’m stronger and wiser. I see the disguise wrapped around those words. I see how you tried to make them sounds funny and light. What you don’t realize is that when speaking from a jealous heart, you can’t disguise the words. Only fresh, honest words can meet the mark. Jealousy does a bad job of hiding it’s intentions.

Jealousy is an ugly color to wear. Words that stem from jealousy are highlighted in red. You only convince yourself that those words are meant to be nice. When speaking from a jealous heart, the truth rings out in your tone and facial expressions. My only hope is that those who speak from the jealous heart find comfort in themselves and in their lives. That’s how I’ve gotten to this point in life. I am comfortable in my skin, my (ever-growing) body, and my mind. I am proud of the person I have become. I am no where near the person that I will forever be, but I am proud of the marks I’ve made on this world during my journey. Don’t focus on me and the things I have. I’m not worried about my material possessions, so neither should you. Instead, focus on you. Focus on what you want out of life. I can’t make those decisions for you. I can only try to make decisions that are best for my life and my family, in my little tiny piece of this world.

Don’t put on the jealous sleeves. Instead, get to know someone for who they really are. Enjoy them for their unique self and nothing more. Offer them sunshine in a sometimes cloudy world.

Thanking God, my lucky stars…anything

I logged into Facebook and saw that I was tagged on a note, “When your soul mate is pregnant.” Knowing that this soul mate was me, I excitedly clicked on the link. What I found left me speechless and searching for anything that could show my appreciation for the words. I still can’t find the right words, but I hope my friendship reflects the words I can’t say. And I hope I eventually find those perfect words.

When your soul mate is pregnant…

So I found out one of my best friends in the whole wide world is having a baby. I am overjoyed at this news, but also realize that things are a-changin. I have denied this until now in a lot of ways. It started when we all graduated and moved far away from each other. The everyone started getting married. Now they are all having babies. But now it seems even more real…the same woman who only a few short years ago was walking down the street, drunkenly discussing the alphabet, the same woman who would spend lazy days with me in the living room, with whom i cried on a shoulder and gave my shoulder too, is now going to be a mommy!

While I feel selfish and think “I want her to pay attention to me, not some crying baby,” I also realize this is another amazing experience that she gets to do before me! I am going to be there for her while she goes through this amazing experience, even though it’s long distance. I feel as if my “soul mate” is making the final passage into adulthood, the exact phase of life I have been avoiding for so long! Watching her succeed in her work life, her married life, and now jumping into mommy life with such confidence and ease is inspiring. She is the kind of person that is able to take all of these steps and makes them look fun and not as scary as they are in my head.

As it is with those we are close to, I am so excited at her words like I am having the baby! I love her and her husband, and I already love her baby. I am excited to be with her as she goes through the the next five months…whoa,…five months! Well, when her baby is old enough to babysit, I can have my beautiful babies so her beautiful baby can babysit.

She is going through this journey, but she isn’t alone. I am excited, nervous, scared, happy, and hopeful for the family. Although I am facing my own reality checks about how old we are getting, I will be a strong source of support for the lovely young woman 🙂