I’m supposed to be taking you on this journey with me, right? I’m not sure how well I’ve expressed the feelings associated with pregnancy. I’ve done a lot of explaining about what’s happening to my body, but have I covered the mind? I’ll see what I can do to change that.
I’m a planner. I’ve told you before that I like to procrastinate just to feel like I have some form of control. But, even with the best procrastination methods, I’m still a planner. Imagine waiting for something that is completely out of your control. Imagine trying to plan a vacation around a day you think might be the right day. Imagine trying to prepare your career and personal life around a tentative date. And these plans aren’t just one or two days away. It’s TWELVE weeks away from your job. It’s preparing for anything and everything that could happen during those twelve weeks. It’s digging deep into the abyss of your semi-sharp pregnancy brain to summon the list of everything you’ve done in the past year that could come up while your gone. I’ve spent the majority of my time lately writing down processes. Given my educational and professional background, instructions shouldn’t be too hard. After all, my goal in life is to make things clear and concise. But, imagine that you are waiting for a life-changing event to happen. On top of that anxiousness, you need to tell someone how you do every aspect of your job. Like I said, I’m a planner. I hope that when my time comes to walk out this door, my office will reflect ease and organization. I’m no where near either of these things right now. In fact, I’m the exact opposite. I’ve got notes all over my desk for things I need to make sure I do before I leave. Before when? Exactly! Sometime before I leave. I’ve got files scattered around my office. Things that need to be filed. Things that have needed to be filed for MONTHS. I’ve got projects I need to finish up. I’ve got a lot left to do before this random date appears. This date that could be August 12 or this date that could be sometime in July. I can say with confidence that my communications are ready. All this planning has helped me draft about 15 emails that need to be sent out when I leave. It’s too early to send them out now (assuming I’m still here in August), but I’m eliminating any pain and forgetfulness when I do go on leave. Pushing the send button is a lot less work than drafting emails when I’m not in the right mindset.
I can say with ease and confidence that my home is ready. There wasn’t much to it. (Ha! That’s a blatant lie.) The office was cleared out, the walls painted, and the nursery furniture put in. Baby clothes, baby blankets, and baby bedding was washed and put away. The room was organized and decorations began to take shape. (No, there are no holes in the walls yet.) The pack ‘n play (also known as a play yard) has been sitting in my living room since the middle of June. The stroller system has been parked in the spare bedroom since the end of June. Sure, there are some things that I still need to get but I’m anxiously waiting for Babies ‘R Us to send me the coupon that I’m told you get four weeks before your due date. Well, the coupon department must not be very good at math, because we’re at three weeks! I’d really like that 20% coupon before I buy a baby monitor, swing, and breast pump. So, while the nursery sits unused and mentally we don’t really know what we’re getting into, we’re ready to bring LBL home. We’ve all got a lot to learn, but we’re all new at this so we’ll figure it out along the way.
I keep saying that I’m a procrastinator. With “three” weeks to go, I haven’t packed my hospital bag. You’d think a planner would have packed that thing months ago. Well, what am I going to put in it? The toiletries that I use every day? The clothes that I’m currently wearing because that’s all that fits? The books that I might read before I go to the hospital (because I don’t know when I’m going!)? The iPod that is probably sitting on the counter dead? (So why not use my husband’s, which is always charged and has many more songs. But he uses his every day.) The suitcase is sitting in my closet, ready to be packed at a moments notice. The planner in me decided if I wasn’t going to pack, I could have the list made so anyone could pack for me. Well, the list hasn’t been made either. Making that list requires energy. More importantly, it requires my body to be somewhere other than the couch. So, I leave it for another day.
Is the car seat in the car? Nope! If we put the car seat in, that means we should really be ready. Why fool ourselves in that sense? The diaper bag is packed. But, now that I say that I can think of a couple of items I need to clean before putting in there. Both items aren’t essential. I don’t plan on using a pacifier or bottle while I’m in the hospital, but I’m planning for the unknown. I’m planning for things that are outside of my control and may not follow the intended plan. So, I suppose I better get those cleaned so I can say with certainty that the diaper bag is packed (and sitting in the crib).
Each night that goes by, I breathe a little easier knowing that I didn’t have to rush around and pack things up. I find comfort in one more day to get things done. I know I’m only fooling myself. Last I heard, babies don’t work off a 9-5 schedule. LBL could decide he wants to show up in the middle of the night so he can be here to see a sunrise. One of these days I’ll step out of my comfortable denial stage and start bringing my computer home so I can be prepared for the day he decides to show up. And maybe I’ll pack my bag, because who wants to drive 45 mins to a doctor appointment only to have the doctor tell you to check into the hospital? This girl doesn’t! But, until LBL starts showing me that he’s thinking about coming out, I have a hard time thinking I have anything less than three weeks.