I had the opportunity to sit next to Maximus tonight and just stare at his profile. I was in awe of his milky skin and soft features. I marveled at the fact that he is growing up so fast, but in that moment he looked so much like a baby. His features looked like they had a soft overlay to them. His face is speckled with freckles and he parts his mouth slightly when he’s concentrating. I watched his eyes dart back and forth as they tried to take everything in. I watched as his eyes turned up and the tiniest smirk showed on his mouth. It was a moment of peace and innocence. I wanted to scoop him into my arms and smother him in kisses, but instead I stared at him with wonder. I looked at his feet, getting bigger with long toes. I watched as his hands wrapped around a remote, fingering the buttons as his eyes never looked down. His legs are getting longer and he’s looking skinnier. He has tiny little muscles in his calves and that’s when I feel like he’s really growing up. He’s almost three, but he seems so much older, yet not that old in the same moment.
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Saturday night I’m going to a New Kids on the Block concert! I’m pretty excited about seeing them and Boyz II Men! Both were favorite bands of mine growing up. I think the audience is going to be a funny mix of 30 somethings and young girls. Or, I’m off-base and “kids these days” don’t think these bands are cool. In that case, it’s going to be an awesome group of 30 somethings enjoying a night out reliving their childhoods. As excited as I am for a night out and a trip out-of-town with a fun group of girls, I feel guilty for leaving Bryan home with the boys. Not that he can’t completely handle it, I just feel bad that he has to do it alone for a day and a half. Mommy guilt is a weird thing. It makes me feel anxious leading up to the trip. I’m sure I’ll have a ton of fun while I’m gone, but right now it’s hard to get too excited. Quinten is almost 7 1/2 months old and this will be the first time I’m away from him for a night. Of course it comes after he’s hit a streak of waking up during the 4 am hour. That makes me feel even worse. I hope it’s one of those times where he knows I’m not here so he sleeps.
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I have a million personal ideas floating around my head for artwork I want to create, posts I want to write, and even a book idea. I’m having a hard time focusing and prioritizing them. I had this grand idea of working in 30 minute chunks of time throughout the day (morning, lunch, after the boys go to bed). That hasn’t worked out very well because my motivation and focus comes at other times. I even thought about getting up early every morning and writing. I like sleep too much to do that, but I feel like it’s a good idea because I would be fresh. Or, it wouldn’t work because I wouldn’t be awake enough to write. Maybe if I start going to bed earlier I can attempt an early morning writing session …
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At the beginning of every month I tell myself I’m going to do an exercise challenge. Earlier this spring I was going to do a plank challenge. I did it for a couple of days, but then I was too exhausted at night that I’d just go to bed. That’s pretty pathetic considering I stopped before I had to do it any longer than 45 seconds. When Quinten hit six months I dropped some weight, which is pretty common for nursing mothers. I decided a core challenge wasn’t a priority. My next idea was to do an arm challenge. I want to get some tone, which will hopefully also help my hitting. I kind of already have an arm challenge because Quinten weighs 21 1/2 pounds, so that’s helping me when I don’t pull out the weights. For the record, I have done some arm workouts for the past three days. I know, it’s pretty impressive. 😉
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I have a bad case of the days and weeks running into each other. Summer is my favorite time of the year and I always feel like it goes by so quickly. Bryan and I both play softball on different nights during the week. Unfortunately we haven’t been able to go to many of each other’s games because they are too late. I don’t think he cares at all, but it bothers me. I grew up at those softball diamonds and I love the game. It’s hard for me not to be there when I have the opportunity. I’m a social person so I’m happy to have things to do at night, but with kids it makes it so much harder. It’s a rush to get home, feed everyone, get enough food for myself, and then get to wherever I or Bryan needs to go. I think I’d rather have plans than not, but when my day is full of meetings it just adds to the craziness of the overall day.
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Who knew I had 900 words of randomness floating around my head. Maybe I can refocus a little more now.
