I have this thing I do. When it gets hard I shut down. I get through bedtime and I sit on the couch and watch tv. I observe but don’t participate. I let my brain shutdown.
I’ve done that a lot since coming back to work. My days are pretty crazy. I’m catching up on 800+ emails, getting up to speed on projects, doing that manager thing, setting up a new computer system (Mac!), pumping every two hours, eating all day, and trying not to get a headache from the dry workplace. That’s just what I do between 7-4!
The family thing is just as crazy. Nursing a baby, changing diapers, putting clothes on small children, feeding the family, putting babies to bed, snugging a baby, snuggling a toddler who is in a hardcore mommy phase, and trying to teach about feelings and words instead of tantrums and cries. It’s a lot of things shoved into a few hours.
Notice I left out the house? That’s because I just can’t handle it right now. I start laundry and finish it days later. Everything else can wait. Right now I’ve got to give myself a break. I know my limits and I’m dangerously close to that line. I sleep in chunks of 2-4 hours and spend 14 hours a day moving. The house can … wait.
Once I feel enough energy to add more things on to my day, I’ll want to turn on my computer. I’ll want to participate instead of just watching. It’ll come back. It always does. In the meantime, sleep is my primary focus outside of keeping babies alive and departments running.