Some days are hard

I have this thing I do. When it gets hard I shut down. I get through bedtime and I sit on the couch and watch tv. I observe but don’t participate. I let my brain shutdown.

I’ve done that a lot since coming back to work. My days are pretty crazy. I’m catching up on 800+ emails, getting up to speed on projects, doing that manager thing, setting up a new computer system (Mac!), pumping every two hours, eating all day, and trying not to get a headache from the dry workplace. That’s just what I do between 7-4!

The family thing is just as crazy. Nursing a baby, changing diapers, putting clothes on small children, feeding the family, putting babies to bed, snugging a baby, snuggling a toddler who is in a hardcore mommy phase, and trying to teach about feelings and words instead of tantrums and cries. It’s a lot of things shoved into a few hours.

Notice I left out the house? That’s because I just can’t handle it right now. I start laundry and finish it days later. Everything else can wait. Right now I’ve got to give myself a break. I know my limits and I’m dangerously close to that line. I sleep in chunks of 2-4 hours and spend 14 hours a day moving. The house can … wait.

Once I feel enough energy to add more things on to my day, I’ll want to turn on my computer. I’ll want to participate instead of just watching. It’ll come back. It always does. In the meantime, sleep is my primary focus outside of keeping babies alive and departments running.

5 thoughts on “Some days are hard

  1. Wow, busy busy! You’re doing what you have to though and I totally can relate. Most nights after work is done, toddler is fed, cleaned, happy, and asleep, we finally sit down to eat and we do it in front of a tv show, because only then can we zone out and relax, because when that 40 minutes is up, it’s time for bed and we dont have time for anything else. Totally can relate. I let things go with the house too, and although I’d love my house to look like one in a magazine, that’s not a priority now. I do the laundry thing too. One day i put two loads in, flip them, and bring them up in baskets. they dont get folded until the next day – theres just not enough hours in the day! P.S. Are your kiddos in daycare?

    1. Raising kids is such mental and physical challenge! Yes, they go to a family friend who does in-home daycare. She’s loves them as much as we do! 🙂

      1. Awe, that’s a great arrangement! I want baby #2 but hubs is stressed about it financially. Daycare costs for us are $285 a week, and that’s a steal for Boston. Adding another kiddo would double that!

      2. Oh, wow! That covers both of my kids. I do know that in-home is cheaper than facilities. I think that’s about the cost of facilities around here. It’s so hard when money and the heart conflict. You’re on such a good track right now, maybe things will look different in the future.

      3. Yes, in-home is a little cheaper here, but the center Avery is at is amazing. His teachers are so caring and I love the structure. He brings home art projects weekly, they have a great outdoor area, I just love it-oh and Avery too. I wouldn’t switch his daycare unless we had to.. like we moved. But if I had a friend with a small child, I would totally do what you’re doing. Our friends with kids aren’t close enough to do that.

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