Do you ever feel like you’re alone on a deserted island? Yah, me either. Except, really I do sometimes. The brain is an interesting thing. A person can appear to be completely surrounded by people, but inside they feel completely alone in the world. I haven’t quite figured out what sparks these feelings, but I do know they aren’t fun to experience. This is going to sound hypocritical but here it is. I have a social life, but I don’t have a social life. Clear as mud, right? What I mean is, I have friends. I have friends who I hang out with … sometimes. That’s where the no social life part comes from. We’re pretty busy between home and work. There isn’t much extra time to have a social life. Even though there isn’t much time, I do have some friends that mean a lot to me.
Back to that deserted island phenomenon. Every once in a while something happens in one of my friendships and it makes me reel backwards and wonder why I put myself out there. Vulnerability is a scary thing. I’m usually pretty guarded, but sometimes things sneak past me. It’s usually when I least expect it and really sends my brain spinning. I’m kind of stubborn (maybe I should delete kind of) so I dwell on things and probably turn them into the worst case. Either way, it sucks to get hurt. When that happens, I always feel sorry for myself and sulk for a little bit. Then I pick myself back up and vow to not let it happen again. Instead, I’ll focus on my husband and my boys. Who needs friends anyway? Well, this girl does. I can pretend that I don’t, but I do. So I fake it until I’ve moved on and forgotten about it. It’s an ok formula. I don’t think I can eliminate the feeling sad part, so there’s not much to change about this process.
Suck as it may, there are also times where friends rally around you. Either as a team or individually. If you’re really lucky, that happens right after you’ve felt your heart smashed. It’s always a good reminder of why it’s worth it to put yourself out there. It’s a reminder that a special friendship can be worth the struggle to stay connected. Having someone do something nice for me always reminds me that it’s not all about me. I wish I always thought like this, but I’m human and I tend to forget. It may be all about me in my head, but on the outside no one else knows what is going on. They deserve to be special, too. They deserve to have their hearts protected and not hurt.
So, be nice to people. Think about other people’s feelings before you do or say something. Remember that you can easily hurt someone with a word or an action. I hope that I’m not a hypocrite and I hope that I haven’t been too focused on myself to not think about others. Those special people in my life really mean a lot to me and I hope that I don’t ever make them feel less than wonderful.
