I’m a word junky. I like using words and reading words. This word is a nice word. I like e-x words. They are unique and fun. They sound nice coming off the tongue. This word does not have a nice meaning. E-xhaust-ion. Ugh. Every mom knows this word. Every mom feels this word.
As I crawled into bed the other night I said, “being a mommy is hard work.” Then I closed my eyes and crashed. Those five little words eased my mind into an amazing sleep and I woke rested. The next night I uttered those all too common words, “I’m exhausted.” My husband turned and looked at me and said, “Go to bed.” I looked up at the clock and it was 9:05. Off to bed I went and was asleep by 9:45. The next morning I woke not rested. In fact, I turned off my alarm (instead of snoozing) and slept an extra 30 minutes.
I’m left wondering, will I spend the next few years alternating between exhaustion and energy? I assume the answer is yes. I assume after the baby stage comes the chase-a-toddler-around-the-house-until-you-both-fall-over-from-exhaustion stage. My only hope is I’ll have a little more help then. Right now, I’m the sole caretaker of this baby. Afterall, I’m the only one who can feed him. I am forever grateful that he sleeps through the night. Please don’t consider this a chance to jinx me, Sleep Gods. But I wear down quickly. I have to push back my bedtime so I can pump (because my baby is amazing and is in bed by 8). I wake at an unhuman hour so I can get ready before I have to nurse the baby. And then I go to work, without breakfast. By the time I sit down at my desk, I’ve been up and going for more than two hours. And I’m starving. At this point, I’m not willing to sacrifice another 15 minutes so I can stop and eat breakfast in the morning. I know, poor me. I’m a mother, this is what being a working mother is all about. It’s about getting outside of my comfort zone and doing things I don’t want to do. I wouldn’t change much about my life and I won’t give up nursing just so I can get a little more sleep. But, I will take a little time out every once in a while to complain, because then I can move on and let other fun words occur my brain space.