I’ve been here before, in this groundhog day feeling of life. Somehow I’m still surprised by how smooth and easy life can be and then suddenly you’re smacked in the face with life. Like, when did it all get so hard? When did days start bleeding together and when did my to-do list get unmanageable? When did my friends lives get so busy that we barely have time to chat and seeing each other is basically out of the question.
I thrive in social situations. I don’t do alone very well. I miss my friends and I miss my sense of togetherness. Life is getting consumed with work, taking care of a family and home, activities for children, and activities for adults. I’m exhausted by the end of the days and I don’t get rejuvenated during the one-hour of “free time” at the end of each day. I’m constantly forced to choose to spend that time on chores, something for myself, spending time with my husband, or attempting to catch up on sleep. No one warns you about the daily life. Or the constant groundhogs day.
No one warns you about all the tough moments life will throw at you, but no one really warns you about the awesomeness that comes with children. When my four-year-old goes through a phase where he gives air kisses and I know it’s his compromise of not having time to give me a kiss but he knows it makes me happy. Or when, even though he weighs 40something pounds, he asks to be carried into daycare every day and pets me as we walk. {Yes, I think these are strategic to get me to still love him through his orneriness.} My heart melts when my six-year-old goes to the back of the car to unbuckle his brother when unknown forces make a four-year-old suddenly not able to get out of a car seat. Or when Maximus tells me he saw Quinten during the day and gave him a hug. We have a lot of hard in our every day lives, but these little glimpses of sweetness help me wake up and do it all again the next day.
I know long summer days will help me feel refreshed and happy again. Afternoons spent at the pool relaxing and watching the boys play will calm my soul. And sitting in my favorite place on the deck in the slowness of weekend mornings will put me back in my happy place. It won’t slow life down or make us any less busy, but maybe a little more sunshine and warm weather and a lot of baseball and softball will right my world.
I was raised on summers at the ball field and it runs deep in my veins. It won’t solve everything or make anything easier, but I hope it will help me feel grounded again. That it will bring me a sense of peace and calm in this crazy busy time of life. Because at the end of the day, I know how to do the ball field. Playing and watching fills my happiness bucket. Even if sometimes I have the added stress of children who steal my Gatorade and throwing it at a tree until they can get it stuck.
No one warned me that I’d keep having the same day again and again, but they also didn’t tell me that it would make me a stronger person. I may not see the growth today or tomorrow, but I can feel it when I look back. When I pull myself outside of today, I can see how the repetition is propelling me forward. But, I’m still looking around for that easy today!
