I seem to be having the same conversation over-and-over again. In my own head I’ve been whining and complaining because I’m so busy. It turns out that I’m not the only one experiencing this. I thought I needed to do something to change my track and find more happiness. After talking with a couple of people it seems that maybe society is causing this new trend. That doesn’t mean I come up with any answers, but I find it oddly reassuring that I’m not in it alone. This constant battle of not getting things done, of always being behind, of being exhausted.
When I’m at work I think about all the things that need to be done at home…meals, cleaning, laundry, and activities with the boys. When I’m at home I’m exhausted and don’t have the energy to do anything. I think about all the things I want to do…creative design, writing, and projects / gifts for friends. Before I go to bed or when I wake up, I think about the things I need to do at work but then when I get there I get pulled in various directions that prevent me from getting them done. It’s a vicious cycle that keeps me feeling behind and if I’m being honest, unhappy.
I’ve tried different approaches. Some times I spend my evenings doing the things that make me happy and other times I’m a blob on the couch and do nothing. Depending on the day, sometimes the active night makes me happy and other times the lazy evening does. Although something may make me happy during the time, it doesn’t prevent me from feeling guilty later. If I don’t do anything, I feel guilty that my house is a mess or that I didn’t get any more work done on a creative project. If I stay up late working on something, I don’t feel like I’m taking good care of myself and promise that I’ll get more sleep the next night.
My night-time hours feel so precious and short that it’s hard to figure out the best way to use them. I suppose I’m in a phase of life that prevents me from being 100% happy with all of my decisions. I’m being pulled in so many different directions and feel like I’m at a cross-roads of trying to figure out what my life should be. I surely don’t have any answers so I’m doing the best I can to stay afloat. Some days that’s really easy and other days I wonder when the ride will stop!
How do you deal with the hectic life? Do you get guilt over your decisions?